It’s okay to be a little selfish.

I was having a conversation with a friend recently and she told me that her step-mom sent her half-brother and sister to visit with her for a while from Florida. I asked her to define “a while” and she said until late December/ early January. This wouldn’t be an issue if my friend didn’t work two jobs and share a small living space with three other people. When I asked her why her step-mom sent them in the first place she said, “Because she needs to get her business off the ground and was feeling overwhelmed.” I wish y’all could have seen the look on my face when she said that shit. I told her that I understood that she wanted to spend time with her siblings and help her step-mom. But I pointed out that she already told me that between the two jobs, she’s exhausted. It’s fully okay to let her step-mom know that she would have to make other arrangements after a few weeks because she needs time to herself. Between the two jobs and playing babysitter to a 12 and a 14-year-old (yeah you read that right) she wouldn’t have time to do anything for herself. She paused for a second and said, “I know. You’re right.”

I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation more than they would like to admit.  They find themselves in predicaments where they have to do something they don’t want to do in order the help someone else.  Or worse, they’ve been volunteered by someone else to do something to help another person.  Both cases suck, and one would definitely not be ideal.  It’s not that they wouldn’t want to help, most times people generally do.  But helping all the time takes away from time for themselves to recharge. I have a friend who by all accounts is extremely kind and generous with her time.  So much so that she’ll put something completely aside to help someone else with something they have.  She might go without money, sleep or personal time to assist another.  This was always at the expense of herself and well-being.  I remember saying to her once that she needed to, “take a break man.”  I told her that she was burning the candlestick at both ends.  And if she didn’t take some time for herself, that candle would eventually be gone. Over time she got fed up with everyone needing something from her, not giving her much in return and just stopped helping people unnecessarily all together.

Whether you’re a mother, father, wife, husband, caregiver or an awesome best friend, you have to reserve some time for yourself.   You are no good to anyone (or yourself) if you don’t have time to recharge your batteries.  That’s why you may have to get a little selfish with your time.  Taking care of your mental and physical health should always be your number one priority.  You can’t help others if you are weak and suffering in either of those areas. And more importantly, you will not be happy.  So take some time out for yourself.  It doesn’t matter how long you take.  It doesn’t matter exactly what you do.  Just go do it.  Do something that makes you happy, makes you smile or makes you laugh. Find something that brings you joy and a sense of peace.  Doing this will not only benefit your overall health, but it will help keep you in tip-top shape to be there for those around you. You matter before anyone else.

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Quarter life crisis > Mid-life crisis

“How did it get so late so soon?” – Dr.Seuss

I always thought by the time I made it to my 20’s, I would be pretty far along in this game called life. I also thought that I would have my shit together. Fun fact I have been proven wrong on both ends of the stick. Realizing that neither of those things are true bruises my ego a little on a daily basis. So much so that I’m a little embarrassed to even admit it. But i’m trying to be as truthful as I can be on this blog….so there it is. I thought that I would be further along because I thought I knew what I wanted at a young age. By 15 I wanted to be a model, I did Barbizon for 2 years thinking I would be the next Tyra Banks but I played myself when I stopped taking it seriously after realizing all of the hard work I had to put into it. And the list goes on…I was constantly changing my mind about all of the things that I ever wanted to do in life. But eventually I had to step back do some serious inventory and think about it. Why am I not where I want to be? And why arent I where I think I should be? For me the answer wasnt crystal clear at first but after reading a few self help books, it finally hit me. My mindset wasnt equipped for the goals and dreams I had set for myself. I had to stop expecting to be somewhere positive when my mind wasnt there first….sorta like wanting a good relationship, but not having the qualities for one. It took years of growing pains, long conversations with people, late nights of reading, prayer, and meditation to finally get it. I also think part of the reason why I’m not where I thought (or would like) to be is that what I want has changed.  And more importantly, I have changed. My self-confidence is stronger than it has ever been at any point in my life.  And I work daily to strengthen it. Now if I could only stop wasting time and energy beating myself up about the slow start…..

Now I’ll be candid here, my mindset isn’t always 100% completely aligned with my goals. When I say this I mean that there are days when the Newyork Times Best Sellers List seems like nothing more than a pipe dream. And then there are days when I think something I’ve written is worthy of a Pulitzer Prize. Ok, that’s a bit of a stretch, but you see where I’m going with this.  If my mindset isn’t completely aligned with my goals, then my goals won’t flourish. Since what I want hasn’t appeared in my life, then I would beat myself up about not achieving that goal.  Never.  Ending.  Cycle.  Good news: I finally figured this out.  Bad news (sort of): Trying to figure out how change this destructive, non-productive pattern of behavior. I have learned that when I try to do too much at one time, I freak out and then fail miserably.  So I take baby steps, my friend.  Baby steps.  It started by acknowledging that there was a change that needed to happen within me first. That’s usually the hardest thing to do.  Honestly, it sucked that my change had to take so long to manifest, but it was necessary in order to grow strong enough to go after my goals.  Once I knew that I had to change, then I figured out how. Instead of the constant complaining to anyone who would listen to my whining, I started having actual conversations.  Meaning I would talk about what I wasn’t happy about, but I would actually listen to the feedback I was given in return.  Not only would I listen, I would give a significant amount of time to what the person said.  And then from there, I would apply the advice to help improve myself and my life.  As I stated earlier, I started reading books about mindset and positive thinking. I started with a book called, “The Secret.”  I know some people have issues with this book, but it helped me tremendously.  It helped me learn to see the glass as half full instead of half empty like how I was raised to see it. It always taught me to be more grateful for all the things I have in my life.  With gratitude comes a better attitude. So corny, but so true.  I listened (and still do) to positive, motivating podcast as well.  Some of my favorites are The Marie Forleo Podcast, The Lavendaire Lifestyle, and The Gary Vee Audio Experience.  Really love Gary Vee because it keeps it real, tells the truth and doesn’t sugar coat shit.  And someone like me appreciates that.  I surround myself with as many positive people as I can.  And the funny thing is, I have met some great amazing people online who have helped me to be more positive as well. I try to avoid as many negative people as possible.  But sometimes that’s hard when it’s a family member, a friend or maybe even a co-worker.  I just keep my conversations with them to a minimum.  It’s the only way I can survive.  And I think the most important thing that I’m learning to do (and working on daily) is forgiving myself.  Forgiving myself for past mistakes, ideas, attitudes, actions, and non-actions.  I have this terrible tendency of living in the past and replaying mistakes in my mind.

I am learning to work through that, and let it go.  Nothing I can do about it now, it’s over.  The only thing I can do is learn and grow from it.  So even though I may not be exactly where I thought I would be.  Or even have my shit together, I’m still here fighting the good fight.  I’m not giving up on my dreams or myself.  Clearly, I’m still here for a reason.  And I’ll do everything I can to make sure that that reason is fulfilled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh well

There are only a few things that I truly hate in this world. Rude people, liars, cantaloupes  (we can debate this one), the sound of my mom complaining and people questioning me on why i’m single. I hate the last one with a passion. Let me paint a picture for you. I run into someone I haven’t seen in a long time and we run down the usual questions. How have you been? what’s good with you? How’s school going? Where you working at? How’s your mom? and then my favorite……..Are you seeing anyone? I feel like this question is a dagger to my heart and I hate feeling this way towards anything. After responding I’m usually given the shoulder shrug and “there’s someone out there for you”. First of all…..did I say I was looking for someone? And second, how about THEY’LL FIND ME? I’m a serious fucking catch.

Nothing boggles my mind more than people not understanding someone choosing to be single. It’s as if people think you just chose to be single because you can’t get anyone. When truth be told, that’s totally not the case. I probably mentally tapped out of dating a few years ago after multiple encounters with undesirables over and over again. Undesirables meaning that same type of person having nothing new to say or give that the one before them had. You can go around forever saying, “there are no good men or women in the world” and being completely honest, some people overall ain’t shit, but that’s a topic for another day, or you could do some self-inventory checking and figure out what else could be the problem. Let’s see, what could it be…..Not enough singles? The places you go? (I never meet anyone when I go out..) The internet? (dating sites are full of nothing but creeps and people looking for love after 1 date.)

I’m sure ALL of us have thought these things at one time or another. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe the real problem is..you? That’s what I came to realize about myself and trust me it was a very hard pill to swallow. I was the common denominator in these situations with these undesirables. I was the fucking problem. How could I possibly be the reason why i’m single??? I’m fucking awesome! Right..? I came to realize that what I dealt with, was what I was attracting. I had to face the cold, hard facts of my current reality. I had to sit down and think about the person that I wanted to be with and ended up coming to another conclusion…I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. The person I desired to be with was totally out of my league, in a big way. Now that came as a really big shock to me. How could I make a list about what I want in a partner, and not even have them myself? To me that’s just stupid and ridiculous. So I just said fuck dating and moved on with my life. With that came, no more online dating, no more going out with my friends and worrying if I would meet someone, learning to be happy single, working on whatever qualities I wanted to have that I didn’t and working on my mind, body, spirit and soul.

But don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life because I’ve got a lot of life left to live, but I want to meet someone ideal for me to share my life with. Maybe have a little family of my own one day. I’m up in the air about kids. I’m not completely afraid of being a mother, I think I would be an excellent mom in the very far future.. but friends and family have me on edge with their horror stories regarding birth. I may be scarred for life. What I am sure about though is the person that I want to be with has certain qualities that I don’t have at the time. I was wasting my time going out with the same types of people, doing the same bullshit, over and over again. Having the same experiences which always lead to the same results: aggravation, disappointment, sadness and anger. The anger had always stemmed from the fact that I kept making the same mistakes numerous times.

So I guess i’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’ve taken a very good look at myself and got rid of what I wasn’t happy looking at. I discovered that I’m way happier when i’m focused on bettering myself and not so much being with someone. I know people are going to read this and say to themselves, “shes’s happy being single?’ “Oh my god, I would die.” And not too long ago, that was also me. But I’ve come to believe that everyone needs this time to get their mind right, more importantly get their shit together. We can’t be any good to anyone if we’re no good to ourselves first. That makes no sense. Like RuPaul says: “If, you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?”

Amen..

September showers

I’ve been waking up almost everyday this month to either light or heavy rain showers and it’s really effecting how I feel throughout the entire day. I’m not complaining, I do love rain but somethings clearly off. I typically don’t like September’s, the city crowds, kids go back to school which means my commute to work in the morning takes a little longer than usual and I have to be more cautious…not that it’s an issue, but you get what I’m saying. September is also a dog whistle for my immune system to start acting out of character. 3 weeks in and I’m sneezing my brains out full speed. This usually means I have to spend extra money on a variety of hot Teas because I believe that tea is the answer to every sickness, and it truly is.

But there’s more about this month than just being sick, school starting back up and homework overwhelming me. My emotions are always in a bit of a jumble and everything always seems to go completely wrong. I often tell myself you can’t pray and worry at the same time, it sort of defeats the purpose; but then again worrying is a basic human function so I’m gonna keep at it as long as I can. It usually takes ones bad thing to ruin an entire day for me and that’s something I’m trying to work on. Im probably going about this the wrong way and making my life ten times harder than what it already is, but what’s this life thing without a little challenge. I’m here for any and everything testing me whether it good or bad. It was easier for me to type that than to actually live it. I want that perfect balance of good and bad in my life because I believe perfection is a façade. I just won’t allow myself enough control to actually face the bad and deal with it head on. I’m extremely afraid of a bad day, and that is a task within a task. An alternate universe I’ve yet to even come close to exploring. I’m not quite sure I’m ready, but I’m certainly looking forward to it…one day. If I wake up tomorrow and I can’t find a clean shirt to wear to work, everything sort of goes downhill from there. Let me explain: the time it takes for me to look for a new shirt to wear is the same amount of time it takes for me to get extremely frustrated because I can’t find a shirt to wear. That was fun to write! But that’s exactly how my emotions work. When my life seems like it’s falling apart, it usually isn’t but my lack of self control causes me to believe that it is. I recently got into a car accident and my life dramatically took a turn for the worst but I somehow managed to steer it back in the right direction. But the turmoil didn’t quite stop there, I found out I had a few health related issues going on that took me out once again…but of course I still managed to bounce back. But even then the list goes on and on…I’m just trying to understand how I can cope with these bad moments just as well as I cope with the good. Once I get to this point, I feel like my life won’t be as stressful and it’ll be easier for me to want to DO..

I’ve always thought of myself as a strong minded individual yet I somehow allow the smallest things to take me out of my element.

In some instances, my life can be extremely lack luster…and this usually gets worse when I’m not in a relationship. I enjoy being single but I really enjoy being in like with someone, even though it may be temporary. I enjoy the fact that I can be connected to someone and feel less “lonely” per say. For all that it takes to get into a relationshit, (what all of my relationships turn out to actually be) they don’t last nearly as long as I’d wish they’d last. My last relationship was crap and that put a lot of shit into perspective for me, truly. I won’t go into detail here, but maybe later on I will.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is I’m bored and I need some excitement in my life. I want to entertain someone, myself, I want an entertaining life. I feel so dull and that’s such a horrible feeling when life is already not looking the best for someone. I need that spark. That big POP. Something that makes waking up at 6am completely worth it. Summer is over but I still want summer me in full effect…does that make sense?

LOL

Stage 1

So we meet again, but on a different platform this time around. I’m officially dumping blogspot and moving on to bigger and better things; I HOPE. Since I’m just starting school and summer is ending, I figured I’d start off new to kick “almost fall” off! If you’re new here and you’ve never read any of my shit, I welcome you with open arms, my name is Faith and this will be a wild, wild ride. If you’re expecting perfectly written articles, this isn’t the place to be. I’ll be writing as if I’m speaking to old and new friends..but hopefully I can keep my grammar in order. I don’t have any specifics for you guys, but I will try to be as consistent as possible and just write about whatever I’m feeling on whatever day I decide to open this app. While I am still learning and perfecting my writing skills, I have ALOT to talk about and I’m extremely excited to share my thoughts with you guys.

– See you soon xxx