Just checking in….

Its been a minute since I’ve seen this interface let alone since I’ve written anything from the heart. I really hope everyone is well and handling the chaos that is 2020 with piece of mind and a little bit of understanding.

Since its been so long ( a year and some change to be exact ) I figure I’d catch you guys up on my CRAZY life. Not so much crazy in a bad way…but certainly a lot LOL. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it before but I come with a lot of interesting little talents, writing being one of my favorites but I’m also an artist. While I’ve been away I’ve been delving more into that part of myself, I haven’t completely let go of writing but you guys know I operate….you’ll only get something good on here when I’m spiraling out of control and oh! would you look at that, its that time of the year again for me. My art has been a huge crutch for me emotionally. It has the power (that I give it of course) to make me the happiest person in the world..sometimes at least. Anywho, its been going great and I’m pretty close to making it my full time If I practice a little bit more consistency. I say closer towards the end of the year we should be looking good for the most part.

Moving on, I’ve been in a constant state of uncertainty as of late and I’ve been battling with how to get out of it. I don’t really know what’s going on at this point in my life. I never really thought I would be living through a pandemic, I never thought 2020 would be as tragic as it is. So far this year has tested me in ways that I’ve always wished to never be tested. We lost Kobe and GIGI that was test #1, my birthday was trash (happy belated to me) because the pandemic started right around that time so things were getting really weird and I was just trying to coast through it all. I got into an accident in April where a driver decided he wanted to test his fate and lost my car, that was a major hit for me and it really sent me into a very dark place and for a while I couldn’t really process much. I’ve had the flu twice since COVID-19 and I’ve had 2 different sickle cell crisis. Y’all, it gets worse…. Trigger warning *Rape, sexual abuse* last month I was raped by someone who I thought was a friend. So to think my year was gonna slow down, it just got EXTREMELY worse with time. As of right now, my mental health is on hold. I don’t really know what I’m feeling, I know most days I’m sad but because I’m so bubbly its easy to mask it and make myself feel good when in reality I wanna do that thing where I curl up in a ball and literally die. Yes, I mean literally. This has been a very trying year and we still have 6 months. I might throw-up. With everything else going on, I’m awaiting my seasonal depressions arrival and I’m not happy about it. I really think its gonna be a bad one this year….or maybe I’ll overcome it. I don’t know. We’ll see.

I’m gonna stop here because I feel like I’m starting to rant and that will just drag because I always have so much to talk about.

As always, I’ll see you guys soon; I hope.

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